Monday, April 7, 2008

yoga girls are the new cheerleaders

i never wanted to be part of the yoga trend. i take care of myself. i go to the gym. i walked or bike everywhere. i do my free weights. i've got some guns! :) everyone who does yoga always says, you have to try it. it is amazing! i wanted to seriously punch all this new age, i believe in crystals, fit, soccer moms, college girls with expensive stella mccartney yoga gear in the face. i did not want to join this yoga cult. no! no! no!

but then it happened. i did one class. i loved it. my body was all limber and i felt refreshed. then i went to my second class. then my third. it was like crack. you get hooked and you come back for more.

i had common sense to do a beginners class. you cannot have an ego in yoga. yet, somehow in this so-called beginners class, you do get some intermediate gymnast type i hail from the iron curtain girls who i think have no bones, all cartilage for what positions they can do. gees.

anyhow, i have been taking yoga for about 3 months about 2 times a week depending on my schedule. i have been progressing at my own pace. my last class, our usual calm instructor was replaced by a super yoga guru girl who barked out positions, downward dog, plank, upward dog, child's pose, back to triangle, back to warrior one. gone was my relaxed breathing and my confidence. i was sitting next to some yoga prodigy. i know yoga is not a competitive sport. it is not in the olympics. good god, who the heck would be watching yoga on tv?! ok, perhaps some dirty old men! but besides them, who?! i know yoga isn't a competitive sport, but i think the whole asian in me to always succeed, be perfect, be the best comes out and i think, oh der, why can't i do that?! i need to try harder.

this class was filled with yoga girls. the ones who have the perfect mat, the yoga get up, their water bottle and they chat before class about wheatgerm or flaxseed and how they all do yoga twice a day. blea blea blea. i realized that these girls are the new cheerleaders. instead of pompoms, they have yoga mats.

these yoga girls in their perfect, no body fat bodies walk around and while i sit there playing my nintendo ds waiting for class to start, they are talking while doing splits, poses, hand stands. i feel so lame. should i be practicing my poses instead of playing ninja gaiden!?

this last yoga class, i felt a bit off. i felt like i was in high school and the cheerleaders would secretly smile at me and say stuff like, wow, nice shirt and then turn around and ridicule me since it was quite obvious it was a goodwill purchase.

here, in class, i felt like i didn't belong. i hate that feeling.

i am not one of those yoga girls. and i am not going to tell you how awesum yoga is and how everyone should do it. i will say this. boys if you do yoga, no unitards. girls, if you do yoga, prepare to have your self confidence shot to hell.


Jerry said...

but wearing my unitard is the best part about yoga!?!?!

Mark Schoneveld said...

Fuck yoga, man. Play Wii instead.

pearly said...

right on! you dont need to wear a unitard or have a mat to play wii....ok, disclaimer, no one wear a unitard if i throw another wii party. thanks in advance.