Sunday, October 18, 2009

staring contest with my coffee

i often do odd things. i always have random things in my pockets. bandaids. jellybeans. often macaroons for some reason. as if i think i am end stranded somewhere in philly, i will be the hero that saves us by letting people feast on my stale macaroon. i prefer reading on park benches and under trees, even when it is cold out. fingerless gloves is my solution for reading in brisk autumnal weather. i would rather listen and make music on kaosilator than tune into my ipod. if i have my ipod on, i would rather listen to old time radio. when i buy new books, i try not to break the spine on them, so i am really hesitant to let people borrow books. unless, you can read them without really opening them. i know. weird. books are meant to be worn from reading and thrown onto piles next to one's bed. but, i don't do that. i read several books at once. so, i am constantly switching from book to book to book. i like everything on my desk to be organized. 90 degree angles and aligned. i prefer blue ink pens over black ink pens. i hate using times new roman font on my letterhead, so i use courier or comic sans, which probably messes up the format of things and drive my secretary batty. i like knitting cozies for things that don't really need cozies: earplugs, little knick knacks, my chubby zombie doll. i don't like it when people buy me flowers, but like the idea of flowers. i would rather make a comic about a funny mishap for someone's birthday than buy them a lame amazon gift card or make them pancakes. i like to open my windows a crack to feel how cold it is and then pile on my blankets on me, but still have the window open. i think all books read under the covers with a flashlight make them good. it's like magic. i think techno was invented as an additional level of dante's inferno and i think concert tee shirts remind us of bands we want to forget. i eat rice almost everyday, yet will not buy a bigger rice cooker since the little yellow one i have reminds me of me if i were to be an appliance. i only drink tea with kumquats and kumquats are seasonal. i picture everyone with thought bubbles over their heads and i imagine my thought bubble is always prolly a dancing chicken. i know poultry can't dance. i often call people the wrong names, but they answer and then i am convinced they have aliases. no matter how hard i try, everything i say sounds upbeat and sweet. no matter how hard i try, i always snort when i laugh. i believe the things my mama told me. yes, someday i will outgrow my clumsiness. i still get nervous in court and when i get nervous, i get really clumsy, so i try not to pace or move about the courtroom. standing is a bit dicey for me. thank goodness for tables. i love to dance around, but when i go out to dance, i find myself not moving because the dude behind or in front of me is pelvic thrusting and i can do is point and snort outloud. i have a habit of saying thank you alot. for instance, a bum will ask for money and i will respond, no thank you. or i have a case where i have to clean up someone's mess and they say sorry, i goofed and i say thank you for your help. backwards, i know. i don't mind going to movies alone, but it seems to bother people that i am there alone. i listen to gangsta rap even though i don't really curse and truth be told, don't know half the slang they use. my closet is colour coordinated, but my shoes sit in a pile. i still make mix tapes and covers for them, yet nobody listens to tapes. i love hoodies because they cover up my elf ears, yet i wear my hair like a gelfling. i like to sing in the shower, but i only sing dolly parton songs. i love staring contests with babies and objects. i have yet to win one though.

so with all the above, i guess my staring contest with my coffee seems pretty normal.