elasticity of the soul

i work in a profession where it is about pushing, arguing, and more pushing. i work in a profession where it is about testing people's limits, pushing people to get the truth. you can imagine that all this pushing can be tiresome.

i think with all this pushing, i forget that sometimes pushing someone to their utmost limit means losing.

i don't like to lose. lawyers don't like to lose.

i never thought as myself as competitive:

friend: pearl, we're competitive. we all went to law school. we're competitive.
me: no, i'm not competitive.
friend: you are.
me: no, i am not. i am not competitive

i never felt i fit the lawyer persona. i mean, i am not a douchebag. but, it's my realization that i do push and mold situations to my advantage. is that a douchbag move?

i've always been the one that got pushed around in life, but these days, i have been doing some pushing of my own and i don't like that.

in life, i would rather be the pushee than the pusher so to speak.

the human spirit is amazing that we can bounce back. the elasticity element.

but, how long does that elasticity last? i mean, does it always snap back?

my sweet readers, your pearly has had a trying week and is busy doing damage control.

xo