Wednesday, October 17, 2012

in touch

for the past few months, i have had several friends from college reach out to me. calling me at work. emailing me. etc. one was an ex boyfriend: the first boy to break my heart.  another was a best friend who professed his love to me senior year and i did not feel the same way and i was in a relationship.  the third was a friend who had a crush on me.  fourth was my first boyfriend in college. lastly, an aquaintance from college who basically emailed me how much of a joke college was.

it was a surprise to hear from all of them.  my memories of each all differ. some are more vivid. some are blurry. some are sweet. some are sad. some are both.  it is kind of nice to hear from someone from your past who knew you when you didn't know anything, but thought you could conquer the world. that was/is me. 

i am more comfortable in my own skin now. college was just like high school, except it cost more.  as each person from my past called or emailed me, i was brought back to those college days. all of us staying up all night talking, goofing off, the newness of our friendships. it was an exhilerating time.  first, my friend who professed his love to me senior year, called me at work. he sounded the same and still had his great laugh. he called to apologize for being a dick to me. i replied, i don't think you were. he said, i was. i was angry that you didnt love me back and wanted to stay with your boyfriend at the time. i paused. it is easier to break up a couple in the movies than it is in real life.  true. true. we chatted for over an hour. both of us in happy points in our lives. we made plans to keep in touch. whether or not this happens, not sure, but it was nice while it lasted. he knew me when i would stay late at the art studio listening to beastie boys and pharcyde and be covered in paint. he knew me when i cried when my crush told me he thought of me as a little sister. he knew me when we sit on my porch, he would smoke and we would listen to music. he knew me when i didnt curse and wore silver pants and plaid doc martens. he knew me when i was still trying to figure out me.

i heard from my first boyfriend. the boyfriend who i broke his heart. the funny thing about breakups is that no one really walks away without any scars. but, in time, everything and everyone does heal. he is in a good spot and holds nothing against me. it is ironic since i broke up with him to be with the ex who broke my heart. it all comes full circle, right? all of us havent held any grudges or anything. but, it was nice to get an apology. neither of my exes were bad people, we were just not right together. it is funny how these past friends get my quirks and only they would understand the inside jokes we had in college.

we all impact people, friends, etc. in some small and sometimes in a big way. as i received all these contacts and each explained how i impacted their life, i was touched. i never knew i had such an impact. i would be lying if i said it didnt feel good to hear that i have and still am the same pearly.

change is good, yes. but i aint broken, so why bother fixing? :)


Anonymous said...

A beautiful post. Secure melancholy.

Vincent the awesome said...

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Vincent the awesome said...

Cool blog, i'm your newest follower

CHARUSHREE amar said...

nice reading it :)

SweetJuls said...

Casually I've found your blog, well...fortunately it's not one of those that talks about stupid thing. You seem a very deep person. You're lucky ;)

Btw you're right...and I understand you perfectly.
The same happened to me. We left a mark ;)

xo by Italy!

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Gianni Dee said...

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