the trouble with my eyes

i don't get called four eyes, i get called worse things. last week, as i was walking in rittenhouse square (for you nonphilly folks, it is a big shopping district with tourists, townies, the like all wearing too much makeup and with lots of tiny yippy dogs) around lunchtime. i often take walks by myself at lunch to think. i had on my ipod and my winter urban eskimo gear on, ie. hat, scarf, mittens, etc. i was walking on the sidewalk and i wasn't nor do i take up a lot of room. walking my quick pace. being in a city, everyone is in a rush or seems to be. as i continue my thinking and my walking, an older gentleman is heading towards me and as we pass each other, he shoulders me. hard. strange, i thought since we were the only 2 on the sidewalk. as he shouldered me, he says to me, "nice eyes, GOOK!" i was shocked. my reaction? i turn around and say to the pushy man, "excuse me, can you clarify?" now, why did i ask him this? first, it was noisy out and i had my ipod on, perhaps i heard incorrectly? second, wasn't sure if he was complimenting me and the insulting me, (later i realized he didn't say, "you have beautiful eyes, gook" and yes, the use of the word gook does negate any positive comment intended). he turns and says it again clearly and i did not hear wrong.

people amaze me. here is a man, so proud in his racism that he repeats it to me. yes, i did ask him to clarify, but he must have been shocked that i spoke english. his thought bubble, "oh sh*t, she understands english!"

post halloween

halloween is one of my favorite holidays. it is right up there after chinese new year. granted, i love dressing up, but being of asian descent gives me a limited selection. in the past, i have been connie chung (sans the maury povich), short round, deadly miho, battle royale, bruce lee from game of death, a chinese delivery dude, asami from the movie audition, well, you get it. i go asian, or i go home. this year, i attempted to do lady vengeance, but without old boy and mister vengeance, who would know?! so i went a bit mainstream and was go go yaburi. i assumed this character is pretty recognizeable. i was wrong. but as you can see from the photos, i still loved being in character. for instance, walking to the first halloween party, of course, wrong directions and i end up walking onto a side street that has a dead end. i know, very wrong turn bad movie. i walked past a party where there was about 6 hipster dudes smoking outside. one guy was dressed as a banana. of course, i am certain if i had said, "nice banana costume" his reply would have been, "i am not a banana. god. i'm a plantain!!!!" yesh. so this is the group smoking outside on the stoop and as i walked by, the conversation stops. uncomfortable no? i walked by with my ball and chain in hand in my school girl outfit. then as i get to the end of the dead end and realized i had made a wrong turn, i now have to walk past these same guys again. so i did that. they stop talking and look at me and then i wait for it, the snide remarks. and then they start. i could have just screamed, "WHAT?!!!!" and swung my fake ball and chain and just screamed some high pitch note. instead, i just replied to them, "what costume?" and kept walking, fast!

halloween is great because we get to dress up and just be another character for the night. it reminds me of that buffy episode where the scooby gang dress up for halloween and become their characters, ie. the southern belle, the army dude, a ghost. i stop to think, hmmmm, me as gogo yaburi? stranger things have happened, folks.

actually, those pics of my girls and i, it makes me giggle to say costumes since we wear that stuff anyways.

also, fyi to the drunks who smashed my pumpkins, you all are lame.

things that make me swoon

i am afterall a strange little girl. i cry at almost everything. i giggle at inappropriate times. i don't just laugh, i snort. that being said, there are a few things that without fail make my little heart skip a beat. here's an inkling:

1) chubby asian babies, especially halfies! =)
2) ice cream dates
3) seeing little birds bathing in street puddles
4) holding hands
5) cranking the a/c high and piling two blankets on and watching horror movies all night
6) sitting and reading together in comfortable silence
7) hearing someone say "wicked awesome" and not being sarcastic or ironic about it
8) being called darling
9) when i get the last bite of dessert
10) when i don't get corrected for all my mixed up metaphors
11) being told i miss you even if it's only been a day apart
12) eskimo kisses
13) tom selleck mustaches
14) people who aren't afraid to dance, even if they dance badly
15) glasses
16) freckles
17) the smell of pipe tobacco
18) love letters
19) people who appreciate my swatch collection
20) anybody who can beat me in tekken, mortal kombat or gauntlet

of course, this list is always ever expanding...

Philly Comic Con, you broke my heart

Going to the Philly Comic Con every year is a treat for me. i look forward to it. i plan on what i want to buy, who i want to meet, what games i want to play, etc. it is an exhausting weekend, but one filled with my dreams of wizards, centaurs, elves, warlocks, klingons and link.

philly comic con is smaller than NYCC and SDCC, but to me, it is comfortable. people here do more cosplay and everyone is laid back and chill. there is no air of pretentiousness. just people who like to read comics, role play, video game, or the like coming together in a huge convention center with no ac on and browsing comics and trades and swords in the stench of body odor and hot dogs.

this year, my friend andy hooked me and my peeps up with VIP passes, so we got to bypass the line, which was INSANE! it went into freaking chinatown! all these lines and no organization! wth wizard world?! bypassing people with our wristbands, i felt like people in the line were gonna jump us!

this year, i decided to go as KNIVES CHAU from the scott pilgrim series. i figured with all the hype with the movie, there surely would be a ramona flowers there. NO. i did see a big girl with a blue wig. but she was not ramona, just blue and big. so here i am dressed as knives chau, based on the comic, i haven't seen any clips from the movie, so i didn't base my appearance on the movie version. i spent 2 hours cutting each letter of my shirt by hand and then hem gluing them to my shirt. this is a tedious and arduous process. i do not recommend, but all 4 art stores i went to did not have iron on letters. argh!

as you can see from the pic, i managed to pull off knives chau. i was pleased that a handful of people there recognized who I was and would shout, "knives!" a few people even managed to come up to me and talk about the Scott pilgrim series and upcoming movie.

Even so, it seems if one isn't dressed as a character from marvel or DC comics, no one had any clue. The world of comics expands beyond those two labels!

Upon entering comic con, I was shocked by the downsizing. I didn't see the usual cosplayers there, no fat spiderman with his fanny pack. If you are reading this fat spiderman, know that you were missed. There were a lot of blades/daywalkers. No shazam or aquaman. Ha. I guess we can live without aquaman. He's useless on land anyways!

There wasn't a gaming section for the ps3 or the usual halo tournament since E3 was about to go on. Shatner bailed. Thank goodness Picard was still a show, sporting a soccer shirt mind you. Such a handsome man! Bruce Campbell showed up for about an hour I heard. This con seemed more about selling products, for example, the kin, the fiesta car. I want to buy trades, magic cards, manga and art from new and old favorite artists.

Artist alley was filled with some artists looking like they hated being in Philly. Sigh. Most of the writers and artists that I adore were not in Philly and/or do not do Philly or were not invited. You KNOW WHO you all are!

I got bumped around a lot since the way tables were set up seemed not to induce a good or effective traffic flow.

I sound like a big complainer. But, I love comic cons. I do. The Philly comic con is my favorite ex boyfriend. The nice guy who I dumped but still think he is awesome. Now, philly comic con isn't the nice guy anymore. He is now lame. We have to go our separate ways.

I am leaving Philly comic con for nycc and then sdcc.

Maybe we can still get together for scones though. No quickies though. Strictly platonic.

things about me

awhile ago, i listed thing i do that make me an oddity. see post title "staring contest with my coffee." consider this post sort of a sequel.

things people don't know about me:

i have freckles on my nose, but you have to lean in to see them. i don't cover them up and like being a little asian girl with a scattering of freckles.

i have a scar on my neck. i tell people it was from a knife fight in chinatown, but that isn't the real reason...or is it?!

i forget that i have a tattoo. i got my tattoo at a biker bar in baltimore. they had dentist chairs set up and wyett earp was playing on the television as the needle went in me. also, when getting a tattoo on one's back, there is no need to remove one's pants. the tattoo guy tried to tell me differently. nice try. pants stay on! ridiculous.

i roll my eyes a lot in response to people. i do this even when i am on the phone, responding to emails, etc. i don't know why i do this since i don't do this in person.

raisins freak me out. they are little and wrinkly and just give me the creeps.

i still get nightmares from watching horror movies.

i'm known as the "nice" one among my circle of friends. although i don't think i am always that nice. perhaps my friends are just really mean?!

i still write fan mail to artists and writers that i adore. my first fan letter was to william shatner.

when i was little, i hated my nose and tried to pinch it everyday so it wouldn't look so "asian."

my ears are really small.

upon graduating law school, i had to take out all my piercings. anyways, nobody wants a lawyer in tats and piercings, right? haha. law school was fun. haha. i also sported red hair, purple and blonde. i have long accepted my black hair is fine just the way it is. :)

while in lawschool, was approached by 2 model scouts, who told me i would be better as a model than a lawyer. way to encourage huh?

i can't stand the taste of tequila.

i prefer white wine over red.

the way to get on my good side is through mini black and white cookies. truth.

when i go to a restaurant, i always look at the dessert section first. this determines if i want to stay for dinner. dessert is what i look forward to. it's like the prize at the end of the maze. no prize? no pearly at your restaurant.

i have never asked a guy out.

when i was little, i picked dandelions and was made fun of by people who told me it was a weed and not a flower. i like dandelions and think a handful of dandelions is still pretty.

the smell of pho makes me cringe. the traditional beef pho that is.

i'll see an action or horror flick over a romantic comedy any day.

i still use a bookmark when reading. my bookmark has a picture of an owl.

i carry bandaids with me because i am accident prone.

my family and i never took any family vacations/trips together when i was younger because we couldn't afford it. instead, my sister and i would create adventures in our living room and my parents would rent kung fus and we would watch them and act out fight scenes.

when i was in high school, i wrote a play.

when i was in high school, my monthly comic strip was banned by the parents association and the asian american club.

i tend to call people dude way too much.

i practice scowling.

my sister's nickname for me is ghostie.

i hate social climbers.

i eat indian food and korean food more than once a week.

i love to dance, but for the life cannot dance to hip hop or rap music, yet i am happy as a clam listening to wu tang in my office.

i can't make jello.

i still have the tapes of all the bands i used to play in.

secretly, i want hulk slippers.

i clip coupons.

my friends and i tend to wave hello/goodbye with both hands.

certain songs remind me of certain people, situations and moods.

certain cities remind me of certain people, situations, and moods.

i am surprised when people comment on my blog/thoughts.

my girls and i wrote and recorded a rap song.

i made "i heart pearl" shirts in boston and gave them to my friends and boys.

i always wear perfume.

when i am with my friends, i feel like we are invincible and can conquer this dirty city we call home.

i have never been mad at any of my best friends.

i am really into fonts.

i'm left handed.

i think tomato and toast and gus and sailor are cute nicknames for people.

i know the entire rap song X gonna give it to ya by DMX.

breaking pieces

part korean. part alaskan. one of my closest friends in college was that. to me, he was this handsome boy. tall and athletic. he did crew. he skateboarded. he was ana amzing artist and he knew music and he could make me laugh. he would come visit me and around campus give me piggyback rides and stop by to say hi. he would sit with me at breakfast. to me, he was so cool. the epitome of laidback confidence. his art made me speechless and i couldn't believe he was friends with me! little. dorky me. girls all had crushes on him and he didn't seem to even pay any attention to them when we hung out. i didn't think he knew i had a crush on him, but my friends told me that he knew, which made what happened next even more crushing.

i remember the day vividly. i was sitting in my dorm room. i was reading over some art history notes. "He" stopped by to listen to music. we sat on my bed next to the window which overlooked the courtyard. people were playing hacy sack in the courtyard. music was blaring. typical college stuff. i was cracking jokes and we were talking. he paused and looked at me and said, "you know you are really adorable." i just stopped talking. i was shocked. he then continued on talking about how he broke up with his girlfriend, who by the way was gorgeous. i sat and listened, but my heart was racing. i tried to listen, but all i could think was, i should tell him i feel, but i couldn't. common sense and my head stopped me. we talked for awhile more and he told me he had to leave to talk/resolve things with his ex and perhaps play basketball. which he often did. what a guy. i smiled and when he told me he would be back later to hang out, i was giddy.

trying to concentrate on art history was insanely impossible. how could i concentrate on kandinsky when this boy who i liked may like me? when he returned, he looked different. i remember that mazzy star was playing. we both love hope sandoval's voice. her voice played in the background. he didn't sit down. he shut the door. he told me that he was back with his girlfriend and just had sex with her. at that moment, i think my heart dropped. dropped onto the linoleum floor and shatter. i didn't say anything. he didn't either. then he said, "i think you are great. you really are pretty. you're...you're like my little sister." there. he said it. the bullet was shot. my ears burned. i just stood there like an idiot. he then ruffled my hair and said he would see me later with another friend of ours. the whole time, i didn't say anything. only hope's voice echoed.

after that, i couldn't look at him. i couldn't hang out with him. i felt like i was good enough. i felt since i wasn't pretty enough. but it isn't his fault. he didn't know how i felt. i am sure i probably looked like some retarded school girl who would visit him at his art studio, who made him mixtapes. the clues were there.

i remember crying to my friend becky. she was friends with him as well. my whole solace in this was that he didn't know i liked him. she didn't look at me. she averted my gaze. he didn't know right? she looked at me. "everyone knew. we all knew."

we never kept in touch after he graduated. who knows he may be back in alaska. he may be in DC or LA or NY. i don't know.

i do know that when a boy who you have known for a long time calls you pretty, it's the kiss of death.

no longer the girl in the photo

i've never really fit in with any crowd. it used to bother me, but i have outgrown that. i put myself in situations where i know i won't ever fit in. i graduated with an art degree and i went to law school. surely, i knew i would not like anyone in law school, and i was correct on that.

that photo was taken when i moved here from boston. i remember that girl. a young associate. man, i love that belt buckle. too bad, i can't rock the frampton buckle at work. anyways, i look at the photo and think, i may look the same, somewhat, but i'm a bit more street smart.

becoming a lawyer automatically put me into this premade crowd/scene. it is the scene with old men with old money who are stuck in their old ways. here are some of the things said to me as a fellow attorney:

1) i miss the days when women would get you coffee. women still get coffee right?
2) i've never been to china. are you from china? is vietnam near china?
3) your english is very good
4) you're very pretty...for a lawyer.
5) you don't really work, you just smile and giggle right?
6) do you only date asians?
7) i can't believe you beat me in court.
8) do you need a mentor?
9) wait, you're not the court reporter?
10) when did you graduate law school?

yes. this list is both sad and funny.

i was thinking as i waited in court with other cocounsel and opposing counsel, how it is all a game. you put peope who are uber competitive in a room and force them to work things out. it can be both entertaining and explosive. all in all, always entertaining, at least to me. as we waited for 4 hours, me standing the whole time in heels mind you. i would stand my ground on issues, soften the blow with a smile, participate in chit chat, have the other attorneys comment if they were only 30 years younger ( i know. ew). it's a game. people puffing their ego. egos getting shattered. people here want to feel relevant and not obsolete. they look at me and don't see me as an opponent. they don't see me as colleague. they certainly don't see me as their daughter. they see me and think how their time is passing. it's a harsh reality to be cognizant of one's relevance.

this crowd which i am now part of has been nothing but nice to me, overly, sickeningly sweet to me. being cute allows me to perhaps hold the panel or court's attention longer, but it's my litigation skills that gives me the wins.

it's funny how so many business cards are exchanged with my colleagues and the usual, "we should do lunch" invite gets thrown. nobody ever collects on these lunches. i should. everybody likes a free lunch! except with this crowd, it seems nothing is ever, ever, free.