work wife

the men in my office are extremely metrosexual and emo. i am not insulting them. that is just how they are. they travel in a pack and like to make sure their ties are perfect knots and their cufflinks are shiny.

i tell my friends that these days, women are looking for men to be wives. my girlfriends are all successful and independent. they don't need a man, they want a man. big difference. my girlfriends don't look for a man at work.

the men at my office crack jokes and like to call everyone a cute nickname. i am usually oblivious to this as i keep big headphones on.

the men at my office tell me that i don't go out to lunch with them, i am not being friendly. i correct them. i do go out to lunch with people, just not them.

i have never heard of the term "work wife." apparently, all the men here have a "work wife," somebody who they can complain to, grab lunch with, nag. it strikes me as odd. i declined being a work wife. i am already busy at work and i don't need to take care of more people.

i declined and this was met with surprise and horror. what?! how could i not want to be a work wife?! imagine the perks. there aren't any.

after we got hit by a snowstorm, i come into the office to be met with a herd of guys telling me: "hey work wifey, can you make some dumplings tonite and bring them in tomorrow for all of us? thanks!" to which i responded by handing them each a take out menu.

perhaps these men should just get a civil union together and leave me out of the mix.

also, when will the people here learn that i am not chinese, so dumplings really aren't my forte?

i don't know if any of my readers have/are a work wife, but it is a lame and retarded notion.

donna reed didn't put up with this crap and neither should i.

rejections

when i wear my game of death work out gear, i feel pretty bad ass. what would bruce do? not only is yellow my favorite colour, but it's my colouring, so to speak. i had asked my best girlfriends in the universe if they wanted to take kung fu classes with me. it sounded fun to me and taking some shaolin kung fun inspired classes would just add some skillz points, if not bonus points to oneself. (kung fu classes +500 points). my girlfriends loved the idea, thinking mostly of kung fu names and outfits, not realizing that the classes require some heavy duty working out. did i mention my girlfriends' idea of working out is handing money over to the clerk to buy cigarettes? the dialogue:

me: uh, yeah the classes require physical activity. i mean, we would spar. the classes are about 2 hours long...(interjection here) each class is 2 hours long, the classes are not 2 hours in total.

them: that sounds like work....

me: ...

me again: well, yeah. it's kung fu, not kung-FUN.

them: we want fun.

me: (packs nunchucks up) ok, i am gonna still do it. just come watch me spar!

them: (nodding) we will. we'll bring signs.

after my girlfriends rejected going to kung fu classes, i began to think about rejections. mostly my rejections. being that it is almost valentines day, how fitting right? hahaha. seriously, i have gotten some lame, horrible rejections.

and for your reading pleasure, i will list them. not in any particular order.

1) rejected to my senior prom because the dude who i went on one date was upset that i did not want to go to university of wisconsin and be a cheesehead. i know people get rejected for prom all the time. for me, it was timing. it was a week before prom and i had spent 2 months sewing my dress. i remember crying, not sure if i cried because i liked the guy, which i didn't really, or because i spent so much time sewing my dress. yeah, that is probably more likely.

2) rejected via speakerphone. before cell phones, there were speakerphones. my punk rock boyfriend thought it would be uber punk of him to dump me during his band practice via speaker phone. i called him to see when i could come over to hang out. dudes yelling and guitars being tuned, i never did hear his band really play...ever. they were always tuning or just causing trouble. i call and i hear him pause, then i hear him say, "things aren't working out. i'm punk, you're not." his lame statement echoed. i am not speaking figuratively, i mean literally. me: "am i on speaker phone?!" him: "uh...no." the band: "yeah." me: " wow. uh ok. i get it." him: "are we cool?" me: "i don't think so. bye." him: " our band is playing a show on..." me: )click) i guess to be super punk, you have to reject people in front of an audience.

3) one can't forget the race factor rejection.
him: "you aren't white."
me: " i know that."
him: " well, i mean my friends..er, i..don't believe one should date outside their race..."
me: (insert wide eyes here, well, as wide as my slanty eyes can get)
him: " you understand right? i really like you and i think you're pretty, but you' re still not white and..."
me: "i'm never going to be white."
him: "i guess not."

fast forward. the dude rejected me based on my skin colour and then later realized he was a jerk and we dated way too long and then i realized he was a jerk and that i was stupid. the clue should have been the conversation above, but i condoned that. c'est la vie, mon ami.

4) rejection via bad haircut. i had been taking bar exam classes and one dude was friendly with me and being that i was new to the philly area, it was nice to have one friend during these long bar review classes. we would text each other funny quips and would make plans to hang out, but never did or it fell through. then we lost touch and when i did run into him again, i had the worse haircut ever. i mean, i looked like a member of journey. no joke. i run into him and he is with his friends and he was taken back by my bad haircut. i think he was trying not to be seen talking to the girl with the mullethead. ok, it wasn't a mullet, but it was bad. if bad had hair, it would have been mine. anyhow, i remember nervously chatting with him, while his eyes just looked at my heap of bad hair going on. then he said," yeah. i'm really busy with stuff...things. see you around." me: (thinking, i need a hat. i need a wig. i need to walk away now) ok, so you can't spot a personality across the room, but you can certainly see a bad haircut a mile away.

5) five. five is a good number for lists. that is what i think. fifth rejection is via AOL IM. yup. picture me all cute, cuddly and lovey dovey IMing my boy. telling him i miss him. telling him i am making him some paintings. being as cute as a monchichi. really. i can be that cute.

me: i miss you :(

him: yeah

me: i know you are busy working, but i wanted to say hi. xo

him: i don't think this relationship is going to work out.

me: is it because i just got back from LA and was away for over a week?

him: no, that's not it. i do hate LA.

me: ok. what is it then?

him: i just don't want to disappoint you. you deserve better. i can't give you that.

me: can we talk about this? face to face. are you really doing this over IM?

him: i don't think we should talk. i'm sorry. (SIGNS OFF)

me: (looking at the screen. so and so has signed off. your messages will be delivered to him when he signs back on)

i kept looking at the IM conversation. i kept thinking he was going to sign back on and IM me a "JK" or ";)" or "LOL"...anything. but, that didn't happen.

there is no emoticon for rejection, but if there was it would have been a snapshot of me at the time.

there you go, readers. rejection done in 5 slices. mmmmm, eat it up kids. we all get rejected from one time or another. it's all how you handle it and for all the rejectors out there, it is all about how you do it. style points. (+0 for the above)

missing maui

today with the wind, philly was 4 degrees. yup. 4. single digits. today i walked 45 minutes one way to meet a friend for lunch. yes, i am the sucker who said, "sure, no problem i can walk there in sub zero weather!" bundled up, i tried to walk briskly.

i love cold weather, i do. it goes against my tropical blood, but i love how the air feels cleaner, crisper. people don't dawdle in the cold. the homeless people aren't out begging as much. not as many creepy dudes are coming up to me with bad pick up lines. everybody has a destination and goes on their way.

as i sat and waited for my friend to show up for lunch, i was warming my poor hanfs around a cup of cocoa. i was about to put some raw sugar in it and it was that instant i was transported back to maui. the raw sugar smell reminds me of maui. the smell of sugar cane and the ocean. salty sweet.

holding the cup, i closed my eyes for a second. i thought of maui. sigh.

then some goober opened the door and left it open and i got hit in the face with cold air.

i miss maui.

my dollhouse

growing up, money was tight. both my parents worked. we never went on vacations because my parents needed to work. my summers consisted of me going to the public library and borrowing tons of books and renting old classic movies. i used to get jealous of my friends who would go to camp. they always had such adventures. since everyone was gone for the summer, it would be my sister and i keeping each other company. we would play voltron. i know, not the typical girl game. we didn't even have the voltron figures! we used our stuff animals and would just imagine that our teddy bear was the head of voltron.

while my friends were water skiing or taking ballet lessons, my sister and i were trying to catch monsters or playing detective or even making up our own language. we were never bored. i didn't even realized how strange it was that we never went on any vacations until a classmate pointed it out. "you've never been to the shore! you're weird!" mind you, i wouldn't have traded any of my summers for some lame overnight camp. my parents are awesome and we would sit around and watch kung fu theater. my memories of my childhood are nothing short of awesome.

being the creative kid, i remember i wanted a dollhouse. my friends had huge dollhouses filled with lavish furniture and beautiful dolls. i remember thinking how pretty. my parents couldn't afford to give me such a luxury. there was left over plywood my dad had not used upon our basement remodel. can't dis the plywood paneling! he helped me put together a shoddy bare bone dollhouse. it was two floors. a box really and the roof was two more pieces of plywood. no door. about 2 windows that my dad cut out with an exacto knife. no porch. no fancy light fixtures. but, it was all mine. an empty dollhouse for me to design and decorate. my little eyes grew wide with excitement. i painted the plywood with my poster paints. i painted it white with yellow shutters. i even painted trees and bushes on the side of the house to give it the cozy suburbia feel. i couldn't afford to buy all the fancy furniture to fill the dollhouse, so i used empty gift boxes, thread stools, anything really. i used clay and molded individual meals to place on the cardboard dining room table. i would spend hours upon hours designing a room. i made books for my dolls to read. i wrote and illustrated mini books. i made yarn rugs for the rooms. my dolls were made from wooden clothespin. i gave them all long hair made from yarn and used markers to paint on their faces. the whole summer i worked on this house and my sister and i would play for hours in the attic with my shabby dollhouse. we did this every summer for about 3 years.

then one day, we were moving. my dollhouse's roof collapsed and my furniture was all bent and worn. my parents told me that it was old and we had to throw it away. i cried. i spent all that time building this perfect home. i never even showed the dollhouse to friends. i guess i was embarassed by it. they all had such fancy shiny things. as my dad put the dollhouse into the trashcan, i stopped crying. my precious house in a pile. i was about to cry again when my mama told me to go inside. my sister and i went inside. my mama put in one of my favorite shaw brothers kung fu movies, the five deadly venoms. my dad cut some mangos and we all sat eating mangos and watching shaolin kung fu. i guess i didn't need to create the perfect home. i was already in a perfect home. at least for me.

au revoir montreal, bonjour philly

(before going on my trip to montreal, i got my hair trimmed. see above photo. it was all super cute and then i went to montreal and wore my big furry cosack hat, so no more cute hair. oh well. hat head or not, my bangs were super cute).

i love montreal. i love how it combines old european with a thriving dynamic city. everywhere there are people speaking french and snipets of english.

my trip was short, but very sweet.

i didn't take any pictures, because it was cold and i wear fingerless gloves.

here are the highlights:

1) poutine. this dish is pretty much a heart attack on a plate. fries with gravy and cheese. i wanted the smoked meat, but my friends insist on going traditional first. thank you cameron and athena. after a night of drinking, this hot meal hit the tummy. yum. i wish they delivered poutine to philly. sigh.

2)the weather. icey. grey. snowy. sooo pretty. i got to wear my furry hat like a good comrade. :) also, for all you people who told me i was gonna freeze my butt up there. i didn't and i didn't even have a down coat or any of that northface crap on. so there! everybody looks adorable in winter gear. scarves. mittens. hats. boots. it's like i tell my friends. wearing all those layers and coming inside is like unwrapping a gift.

3) new zealanders: meeting my friend max who is from new zealand up in montreal was insane. he is a riot and made fun of the french incessantly. he also did every shot that was put in front of him. props. mad props to the commonwealth. i also realized that dudes that were straight edged

4) athena: meeting up with my best friend from law school was wicked awesome. there are some people who you adore and even distance and time can't change that.

5) fangirl: meeting cameron m. stewart and getting my seaguy signed. girls, this dude is total sweetheart. total pitter patter material. it is amazing to me, how someone so talented can be so humble and down to earth charming. why does montreal have all the cool people? philly has all the grit and thugs.

despite having to spend tons of time at the aeroports due to new security measures, sleeping a total of 5 hours all weekend, being freezing cold (yeah my hotel had no heat. but, upon departure, athena checked the closet and saw there was a space heater. dude, why didn' t they tell us! i almost freaking spooned my friend athena for body heat. soo cold), being a dork and dragging my worn copy of seaguy to canada, getting picked no by montreal jocks (i know. jocks are international. they are everywhere!), i had an amazing time and came back, not so much refreshed, but excited for next visit. just no more u.s. airways. worse airline ever. ever.

xo

siberia

for the past week, it has been siberia cold here in philly. although i adore cold weather, this weather was brutally bitingly cold. i would have worn a face mask, but people here would have thought i had SARS and freak out.

last weekend was my birthday and my friends took me for drinks and merriment. i posted a shot of me and my best friend jonathan. we are bundled and even with layers, it was cold out.

soon, i will be going to our friend to the north. it seems insane of me to venture somewhere colder, but this way, i can maintain my mongolian/eskimo elfish look. :)

so my fellow bloggers and readers, i will be on a short venture up north. i will try to videotape my adventures and quests and post them later.

as it stands, i have not packed anything and the only thing i have in my carry on so far is my trkfld bag and my furry white boots. i think i may need more things. i also have about 3 books with me.

is it possible to still look cute with all my layers and furry hats? i hope so. i may just have to crawl into a carcass of a bear to keep warm if need be.

i hope to come back a newly refreshed pearl.

i am also starting to plan my next trip. moscow and st. petersburg. :)

deep thoughts

as you all know, if you keep up, i draw comics depicting breakups, heartaches, but it seems, never love. perhaps depicting true love in a comic is hard. perhaps it is easier to draw from heartache and sadness. for me, it is easier to share my broken heart to everyone since everyone has had their heart broken. this isn't as personal to me as falling in love since not everyone gets the opportunity to fall in love. or perhaps i have more stories to share about heartache than i do love, who knows.

awhile back, i wrote about how i used to date this guy jake. a long time ago. he did nothing wrong. i just "fell" out of love with him. then, i wasn't even sure if i even loved him. horrible, i know. we tried to stay friends, but it didn't work. he couldn't handle being friends with me. he would drive 3 hours to meet me for coffee and i would babble about my career and who i was seeing, not seeing how his face drop and how heart would break. i was obtuse. i guess i felt as if my happy chatter would block out the sound of his ripping heart. all in all, our close friendship ended. abruptly. he just simply one day called me to let me know that he was not going to be in my life. i joked back since i could not believe him. what?! we have been friends for years. how could he say this? how could he mean this? not once thinking about how he must have felt for the past 10 years.

my question to you, my nonjudgmental readers, is it ever too late to apologize? i mean to really truly apologize. a heartfelt, i'm sorry to have been such a horrible friend and i hope you are happy apology? again, is it to relieve my guilt. perhaps. wuold hearing from me make him feel better? not sure. the last time we spoke, i believed he cried, which made me feel awful and awkward. i don't know what to say or how to act when guys cry. it is like when i am standing at a party where i don't know anyone. do i hold a drink? do i keep my hands in my pockets? i just don't know.

if i am being selfish, then i apologize. i don't think i will ever regain my friendship with jake. no more jokes about cthulu. or making fun of the drama geeks. creating new RPGs. i guess in the end, even when the relationship is over, the friendship is what i miss the most. i miss my friend and not just "jake" but my friends of long time past. however, in true pearl spirit, i just don't have the energy or motivation to restart these friendships.

and they probably don't want to restart them as well. they know they would just be fodder for my comic.

all this thinking is due to me watching that movie, 500 days of summer. it got me thinking about how i have ended relationships. all not always as clean cut as i draw them. it's easy when i draw these heartbreaks. the paper and pen don't argue or yell back.

it's not as if i am gonna make a list of dudes i wanna say sorry and mend their wounds. good god, what a short and depressing list!

what i am saying is, to apologize to jake would allow me to be back "in" with some dear friends from college, but at the same time. it wasn't about sides, but they chose his, so why bother. i've never really a lot of friends, so i don't need them and frankly, i am not sure i want to be friends with them again. but i do feel bad about jake and i feel he held me up in a good light and i'd like him to remember me fondly and not as a disappointment.

for now, i will just keep my glasses on and hide behind my books. time heals all wounds. it also makes you forget the bad stuff. but, it makes you forget the good stuff too.